So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
