Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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