Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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