Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
