He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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