eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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