You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
