we're blogging at a bar
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
