I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
