Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
