so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize