all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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