i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
