He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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