Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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