I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want her autograph on my taint
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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