now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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