Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
