How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
