I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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