yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
