Too much gin, very little bucket
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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