You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize