then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
