I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
