I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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