Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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