Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
