Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
