HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
