She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
