Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
