Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
