what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
