addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
