nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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