Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
