they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
