Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
