My friends, they love my intelligence
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
