It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
honey bunches of taint.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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