if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
