We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
