A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
