remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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