Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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