listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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