I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
