Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
