my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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