Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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