I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
