My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
