So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
