HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
