I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
