Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize