drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
