if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
