Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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