i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
