Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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