the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
