I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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