She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
