You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
