Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
