It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
