none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
