All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
