Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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