Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
