hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
