you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
