I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
